Use your words

Use your words.  Those are three words that a preschool teacher or the parent of a toddler repeats regularly. But like most lessons we teach our children, they continue to be applicable in the adult world where we don't have a preschool teacher or parent to point us in the right direction every time we commit a social boo-boo (like being nice to one another).  Use your words for children is asking them to not throw a tantrum but use their verbal skills to express what it is they want/don't want, like/dislike, etc.  Use your words for adults implies say what you mean and mean what you say.  Although it could mean the same as the toddler version, but I would like to think that most adults developed verbal skills along with their adult-body.  I've been wrong before. 

I bring this up because I was reflecting on sarcasm that is used by many to express appreciation, interest or intended to be a form of flirting.  You often hear people saying something mean and sarcastic in an effort to mask their feelings of awe, appreciation, or gratitude of another person.  For example, I gave somebody something I had made the other day and asked for their opinion.  The response I received was "I'm sure it sucks." What?!  It's not that I think that what I made is good but a thank you would suffice.  Why would one say that?  Is it a defense mechanism?  Covering up for personal insecurities?  I was taught that it's nice to be nice to other people and that my words are the most socially prominent way of communicating my feelings.  When somebody brings you something they made or bought or a flower they picked for you, or whatever why wouldn't you explicitly and overtly express your appreciation of it? (Even if you don't appreciate it mama taught me to say thank you, always.)  This mean-sarcasm nonsense is foolish and juvenile.  I do not condone this behavior.  I think it's lovely to be charming and sweet, it makes people feel good.  And if people don't know how to respond to it, well shame on them, they ought to learn.  One doesn't have to get "awkward" (another notion I dislike, but I'll save that for another rant).  You say thank you.  Or you say what you mean!  "I appreciate the flowers you brought me," "I really enjoyed spending time with you," "I would like to get to know you more," "I appreciate your insight," "I would prefer not to stay out all night, thank you, let's have lunch instead."  Say what you  mean and mean what you say.  Use your words.  

I wish you Enough

I read this on someone else's blog and thought it was too beautiful to not share.  

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

 I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more..

 I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. 

 I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting…

 I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

Life is full of dichotomies: day and night, love and loss, joy and pain.  This poem captures the notion that experiencing a little bit of suffering or lacking only enhances the positive and the reality.  Without rain there is not greenery, nor fruit or flowers.  The sadness or pain is all a part of the cycle of life; although we may not understand it or we may be blinded by our grief.  Grief and sadness are not bad, they are meant to be embraced as they will only serve in the future to appreciate the joys in life. 

Merry Christmas with smoked salmon and amaretto margaritas

Merry Christmas!  We decided to have margaritas with breakfast, why not? 

Amaretto Margaritas

Serves 3

• 3 parts (6 oz.) of a mixture of freshly squeezed lemon juice* (3 oz.) and frozen Minute Maid limeade concentrate (3 oz.)
• 2 parts (4 oz.) tequila 
• 1 part (2 oz.) amaretto** 

Mix all the ingredients above and serve over ice in a margarita glass (you could also blend all the ingredients in a blender).  Garnish with the curly rind of one of your lemons.  

This is a simple recipe, a 3:2:1 ratio, easy to remember even with the hectic nature of holidays!

*I like to use Meyers lemons if you have them handy; they are more floral and pair very well with the amaretto.  

**This recipe normally calls for triple sec here but I didn't have that so decided to try amaretto, it was a perfect accident.  Amaretto is a delicious drink that is often forgotten about except for in amaretto sours, so I guess this margarita is a spin on an amaretto sour.  Excellently sweet, sour, with a touch of bitter almond. 

Merry Christmas margaritas! 

Smoked salmon with whole grain mustard on sourdough baguette 

In his homily, the priest at church last night concluded about Christmas (which I think can be extended to life in general) is that we all just want to love and be loved.  Isn't that the truth? I hope you spent your day with the people you love and that love you. 

Life is a contact sport

Conversations at bars fall into one of two categories: 1. mindless, obscene banter or 2. deep, philosophical and full of life lessons.  Because I'm me (and if you're reading this, you probably know me) my conversations at bars (and almost all of my conversations in life) fall into the second category.  

The other night I was out with a friend and we were discussing a recent "life event" of mine - a conversation that I had had with yet another person about the way to live life.  Ought one let fear dictate her/his actions?  Where does one draw the line on letting fear stop her/him from making certain decisions?  The conclusion that we came to is that there is no right answer.  My rough-around-the-edges and very wise friend said "life is a contact sport" (which makes more sense to my North American friends - contact sport being football, hockey, wrestling, soccer, it's the classification for a sport in which physical contact is rampant, normal and encouraged).  I really liked this analogy.  Do you want to live life on the sidelines, watching other people feel and get hurt and score (all both metaphorically and literally speaking)?  I certainly don't.  Getting hurt is just a part of living, whether it be heartbreak or a skinned knee.  Do you want to come to the end of your life and assess/evaluate and realize you had just settled?  I'll take it a step further, can you go to bed at night, put your head on that pillow, alone with your thoughts and sleep peacefully knowing you lived that day to the fullest? 

The last words of advice from my wise friend - "drive [life] like a rental car."  Amen, brother.   

Situational Awareness

The flight attendants on Southwest are hysterical.  Today on my flight the flight attendant got on the intercom as we were boarding and said "now people let's have some situational awareness, if you see yourself standing there in the aisle with nobody in front of you and a lot of people behind you, yes, it's  your fault and please move.  Step out of the aisle."

Wouldn't life run a little more smoothly if people had situational awareness.  According to wikipedia, situational awareness "is the perception of environmental elements with respect to time and/or space, the comprehension of their meaning, and the projection of their status after some variable has changed, such as time, or some other variable, such as a predetermined event."  In other words, being aware of our surroundings but I'm going to take it a step further and say also being considerate of your social surroundings and acting accordingly (accordingly, this may be ambiguous).  This may be called common sense to some, manners to others, and to another (unfortunately) large group of people, it is a foreign concept.  Whether we want to admit it or not, we live in a society with other people where our actions affect others and we are (scary thought) affected by the actions of others.  This extends to much more than just moving out of the way for people on the airplane (or not driving slowly in the left/fast/passing lane, talking loudly on your cell phone when others are trying to read/study, sneezing without covering your mouth, etc.).  I really don't have much to say other than let's try to remember the other people that we live with (in society); it's nice to be polite.  I struggle with expressing this eloquently - it is considerate to have manners, to be nice to other people, to not be selfish.  Isn't it good to aspire to be considerate?  It's fun to make other people smile and feel good about themselves.  :)