Apologizing

I posted to facebook the other day a quote that a friend had posted on his wall:

Apologizing doesn't always mean that you are wrong 

and the other person is right. 

It just means you value your relationship 

more than your ego. 

I really like this.  I think that we let our ego or pride thwart the deep and soul-enriching relationships that could be.  We may find ourselves not opening up to others or behaving badly out of pride or for no reason at all or for good reason, we were hurt and are in self-protection mode.  

This is probably done because people live their lives unaware and led by their ego.  If they were aware that their ego was shaping their decisions, and consequently their actions, and therefore the way they treat and are perceived by others AND if they could get over their pride, and make positive changes to their behavior, I believe that their lives would be more fulfilling and ultimately happy. 

I have been told that some people are "just that way."  What a cop out!  What are humans if not incapable of changing and shaping their behavior?  In life we are presented with this scene, for which their is no script, just cues that are our personality, character, and past experiences to help us make decisions.  

I urge you all (and I try this myself) to think about each decision before it's made.  To not jump to conclusions or let my pride get in the way.  To live life with honest, kind intentions and pray for the best.  If you know you were kind to others and true to yourself, your life will probably be more fulfilled and happy.  

Misunderstandings

It's amazing to me how relationships between humans work.  A human being's psyche is so complex but a relationship (mother/daughter, mother/son, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, etc...) depends on the psyche of two people.  I watch daily, as people have relationships that do not work due to pride or misunderstandings.  How sad.  I am guilty of this, too.  My pride has gotten in the way of relationships in the past or my inability to empathize with the other half of the relationship.  Or my inability to explain myself.  It's not all up to one person, however.  When there is a misunderstanding between two people, one (the one who was misunderstood) must honestly explain themselves without getting mad and the other person has to be willing to listen and forgive.  Both require putting your pride aside and being honest, opening your heart a little bit and accepting that you might get hurt, the other person may run away or completely disagree with you.  Worse, they might say something hurtful to you or even worse yet, tell you that you hurt them.  Then there comes the feelings of guilt and shame and feeling bad, "how could I have said that?" "why did I say that?"  It's OK, you're human and you said it, but explain that you didn't mean it and when on the receiving end, trust that they didn't mean it, put yourself in the other person's shoes, be compassionate and understand that you, too have been there and done that.  It makes me think back to my sophomore year of high school, in Mr. Bussio's class when we read Nelle Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus says to Scout, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."  This piece of moral advice can be applied to many circumstances in life but in this scenario, I just urge that when you find yourself in a disagreement over a misunderstanding with a friend or loved one, to take a step back, step into his/her skin and walk around in it.  Try to experience what the other person is experiencing, why did they say this, what did they mean?  And accept at the end of the day that this person loves you and never meant to hurt you.  This is perhaps the most difficult of all and requires great strength, but give that to yourself.