Apologizing

I posted to facebook the other day a quote that a friend had posted on his wall:

Apologizing doesn't always mean that you are wrong 

and the other person is right. 

It just means you value your relationship 

more than your ego. 

I really like this.  I think that we let our ego or pride thwart the deep and soul-enriching relationships that could be.  We may find ourselves not opening up to others or behaving badly out of pride or for no reason at all or for good reason, we were hurt and are in self-protection mode.  

This is probably done because people live their lives unaware and led by their ego.  If they were aware that their ego was shaping their decisions, and consequently their actions, and therefore the way they treat and are perceived by others AND if they could get over their pride, and make positive changes to their behavior, I believe that their lives would be more fulfilling and ultimately happy. 

I have been told that some people are "just that way."  What a cop out!  What are humans if not incapable of changing and shaping their behavior?  In life we are presented with this scene, for which their is no script, just cues that are our personality, character, and past experiences to help us make decisions.  

I urge you all (and I try this myself) to think about each decision before it's made.  To not jump to conclusions or let my pride get in the way.  To live life with honest, kind intentions and pray for the best.  If you know you were kind to others and true to yourself, your life will probably be more fulfilled and happy.  

Invest in people who love you

Time is money, they say.  However, I will argue that time is more valuable than money because it is limited to an unknown amount.  Mysterious.  But seriously, we don't know how much time we have on this earth and we ought to spend our time wisely.  Also, there are emotions involved in time.  This might sound complex or like a third dimension but it is simply that you can feel good or bad, happy or sad when and/or after spending time doing something.  

Spend your time with people who love you.  Genuinely love you.  People who wish the best for you and want to see you smile.  People who think of you constantly and want you to be happy.  People who understand you or try.  Love isn't smothering another person or spending 24/7 with them, it's realizing that people need space and it's loving and respecting another person enough to give them that space.  But being close enough or available for you.  People who truly love you don't guilt trip you into hanging out with them because your love is a mutual one, they understand that you have things going on in your life and they do, too.  They also understand that you will reach out to them when you are able because you enjoy spending time with them.   

It might sound selfish but it's not.  It's self-preservation.  And just like your time, your self is limited and must be nurtured.  

Simple dinner

"It does not cost much...It leaves you filled with peace, and the house filled with one of the world's sweetest smells...probably there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation...that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread."

-M.F.K. Fisher

We are getting some much needed rain and what better thing to do than crank the oven up to 450˚ and bake a loaf of hearty, walnut and thyme-filled bread.  

On my way home from work, I ran into a friend who yelled across the grocery store "Hey Sally - what's for dinner tonight?" She commented that I haven't posted in a while, which is true, I told her the same thing I had told my brother who had demanded pictures of Monday night's dinner, "I'm living in the moment," I responded.  It's cliche, right? It was the best thing I could come up with but I did decide to post tonight in honor of both of them and in honor of my dinner which was fresh baked bread, Bulgarian sheep's cheese, olive oil, crushed garlic, and Chilean wine.  Bon appétit to me and to you, too! 

before: preparing my loaf of bread: thyme and walnuts 

after: but before I smothered the bread in olive oil and garlic

And now some food for thought:

"A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul." 

Think of the times you have been humiliated or life has shown you that you are incapable of something you so thought knew you capable of doing (I can run this marathon without training, I will face my boss who treats me poorly, etc.).  You try and fail.  It hurts your pride.  But if you take just a moment to reflect on it, it's not that you're incapable or a bad person it simply is what it is and your soul grows from that.  We measure success and growth on money, homes you own, the car you drive but how many people are OK with their soul?  Our society has no measure for soul growth.  How many people realistically face challenges in their lives and can accept when they are incapable of completing a task, of asking for help, or simply succumbing to their limitations?  How many people can wake up in the morning and be happy with themselves, knowing they give their all and their best and accepting that that is their life, their ability, their limit?

I urge you to reflect on your actions, to love yourself, and to accept you for who you are.  And...eat what you love and to your health! 

Merry Christmas with smoked salmon and amaretto margaritas

Merry Christmas!  We decided to have margaritas with breakfast, why not? 

Amaretto Margaritas

Serves 3

• 3 parts (6 oz.) of a mixture of freshly squeezed lemon juice* (3 oz.) and frozen Minute Maid limeade concentrate (3 oz.)
• 2 parts (4 oz.) tequila 
• 1 part (2 oz.) amaretto** 

Mix all the ingredients above and serve over ice in a margarita glass (you could also blend all the ingredients in a blender).  Garnish with the curly rind of one of your lemons.  

This is a simple recipe, a 3:2:1 ratio, easy to remember even with the hectic nature of holidays!

*I like to use Meyers lemons if you have them handy; they are more floral and pair very well with the amaretto.  

**This recipe normally calls for triple sec here but I didn't have that so decided to try amaretto, it was a perfect accident.  Amaretto is a delicious drink that is often forgotten about except for in amaretto sours, so I guess this margarita is a spin on an amaretto sour.  Excellently sweet, sour, with a touch of bitter almond. 

Merry Christmas margaritas! 

Smoked salmon with whole grain mustard on sourdough baguette 

In his homily, the priest at church last night concluded about Christmas (which I think can be extended to life in general) is that we all just want to love and be loved.  Isn't that the truth? I hope you spent your day with the people you love and that love you. 

Love in everyday life

I read this great article about redefining love that a dear friend shared with me.  (You should read it) But it says "Love, as your body experiences it, is a micro-moment of connection shared with another."  I'm sure you've felt it before, someone does something special for you, the cashier smiles at you as you check out of the grocery store or someone compliments you.  Many of us have this preconceived notion of love that it must be this and that and it must occur in these steps and takes that long to cultivate, etc etc etc.  However there are different kinds of love...love isn't just what two people share in a marriage, there is so much more to love than that.  A lot of my friends live this way, that is, in the moment and making every connection with another human being matter.  Giving another person your full attention, a little piece of your heart and opening your heart to him/her.  This can be in the form of a good conversation, a walk with a friend, something you genuinely share with someone else, looking another human being in the eyes when you talk to them and smiling at him/her.  Oftentimes I find that we put up barriers, we go through life with tunnel-vision, blind to the beauty that surrounds us but if we would let ourselves just open up a bit, feel happiness, even love for one another, maybe we could live a little bit happier.  Look people in the eyes, share a moment with them...it doesn't need to go anywhere, let's just appreciate the moment we have with others.    

"Little by little, love begets love by improving your health. And health begets health by improving your capacity for love."

Here's to love!

Misunderstandings

It's amazing to me how relationships between humans work.  A human being's psyche is so complex but a relationship (mother/daughter, mother/son, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, etc...) depends on the psyche of two people.  I watch daily, as people have relationships that do not work due to pride or misunderstandings.  How sad.  I am guilty of this, too.  My pride has gotten in the way of relationships in the past or my inability to empathize with the other half of the relationship.  Or my inability to explain myself.  It's not all up to one person, however.  When there is a misunderstanding between two people, one (the one who was misunderstood) must honestly explain themselves without getting mad and the other person has to be willing to listen and forgive.  Both require putting your pride aside and being honest, opening your heart a little bit and accepting that you might get hurt, the other person may run away or completely disagree with you.  Worse, they might say something hurtful to you or even worse yet, tell you that you hurt them.  Then there comes the feelings of guilt and shame and feeling bad, "how could I have said that?" "why did I say that?"  It's OK, you're human and you said it, but explain that you didn't mean it and when on the receiving end, trust that they didn't mean it, put yourself in the other person's shoes, be compassionate and understand that you, too have been there and done that.  It makes me think back to my sophomore year of high school, in Mr. Bussio's class when we read Nelle Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus says to Scout, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."  This piece of moral advice can be applied to many circumstances in life but in this scenario, I just urge that when you find yourself in a disagreement over a misunderstanding with a friend or loved one, to take a step back, step into his/her skin and walk around in it.  Try to experience what the other person is experiencing, why did they say this, what did they mean?  And accept at the end of the day that this person loves you and never meant to hurt you.  This is perhaps the most difficult of all and requires great strength, but give that to yourself. 

Sensual

People talk about sensual as if it just pertains to sex but break down the word and it's simply "of the senses."  The five senses: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing.  I argue that being sensual is just having a heightened or more in touch awareness of one's senses and yes, why not?!  That is the only way we know, or are given to interact with our environment so why not experience it fully?  There is all this talk about living moderately and I agree to a certain extent but what is life if not to experience it extremely?  Why not experience something fully?  Taste the flavours of the world?  Smell the flowers or the odor of another human being.  Touch something soft or feel touched, there is nothing wrong with that.  Experience a sense and try to associate it with another, it will act as an exercise for your memory and for your sensuality, what smell can you associate with a touch or a taste?  In fact, smell and taste are closely linked.  If you smell something before or while you eat it, it will be more impactful. 

Sensual is a rarely used word in our vocabulary.  And when used it is associated with seduction or poetry.  No.  Live sensually and live passionately and you will live a more fruitful, enjoyable life.

Touch Me Where Hands Can't Reach

Life is not so black and white.  We have this image of what it ought to be based on society that is influenced by religion, tradition, taboo, culture, etc.  But I feel like in trying to conform to these "traditional" ways of living we limit ourselves from the beauty that life offers, if we were only open to it. 

I want to live my life while I'm living.  I want to feel, not just in the "touch" sense of the word but I want my heart to feel, I want to feel my soul.  If that means crying uncontrollably or jumping in cold water so that my heart feels like it's going to stop, bring it on.  Better yet is the beauty that is born from the passion of two people, what is felt when you open your heart to another person is simply magical.  It's amazing the love that we are capable of giving to one another.  Where does it come from?  How is it decided who you will have feelings for?  There is attraction but there is something deeper than attraction when you love someone, when you want nothing more than their happiness and especially when it's related to your own happiness.  Maybe some people are afraid to do that, to give, to let go.  But when you do...what you experience makes all of life worthwhile.  If not to feel, then for what do we live?  I want to be asked uncomfortable questions and have to dig in my soul to answer them.  I want to question what I believe and live life not judging the actions of other based on what society dictates.  Love oughtn't be restricted or forbidden, it is after all, the most natural, innate thing we have. 

Date a girl who reads

I have received many requests to post on my blog.

Although I am not writing this myself, it is so well-written that I just had to share.  I love books and I love to read, I came across this today and just had to share, I'm sure most of my readers feel the same way about books (I regularly text with my friends about books, book clubs, reading, book characters, the smell of books, etc.)

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

By Rosemarie Urquico (http://blitzkreigkate.tumblr.com/post/3246440448/date-a-girl-who-reads-date-a-girl-who-spends-her)

Beautiful

I was talking to a dear friend on the phone.  Upon inquired about her life and how she is doing, she joyfully said "Sally, I'm so happy.  I'm in love."  She let out a sigh/giggle and said "you know, being in love makes your good days even better, and your bad days not so bad."

How beautiful!

I wish that for everybody.