Apologizing

I posted to facebook the other day a quote that a friend had posted on his wall:

Apologizing doesn't always mean that you are wrong 

and the other person is right. 

It just means you value your relationship 

more than your ego. 

I really like this.  I think that we let our ego or pride thwart the deep and soul-enriching relationships that could be.  We may find ourselves not opening up to others or behaving badly out of pride or for no reason at all or for good reason, we were hurt and are in self-protection mode.  

This is probably done because people live their lives unaware and led by their ego.  If they were aware that their ego was shaping their decisions, and consequently their actions, and therefore the way they treat and are perceived by others AND if they could get over their pride, and make positive changes to their behavior, I believe that their lives would be more fulfilling and ultimately happy. 

I have been told that some people are "just that way."  What a cop out!  What are humans if not incapable of changing and shaping their behavior?  In life we are presented with this scene, for which their is no script, just cues that are our personality, character, and past experiences to help us make decisions.  

I urge you all (and I try this myself) to think about each decision before it's made.  To not jump to conclusions or let my pride get in the way.  To live life with honest, kind intentions and pray for the best.  If you know you were kind to others and true to yourself, your life will probably be more fulfilled and happy.  

Vulnerability

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

-C. S. Lewis

I think vulnerability is a tough issue for most people.  Nobody wants to be hurt or humiliated but being hurt is part of feeling and feeling is what being alive is all about.  It is unrealistic to go through life thinking you cannot get hurt.  Anything that causes you joy could also cause you pain, and not necessarily directly.  For example, you have a cat that you love, and then it dies.  Cats have shorter lives that humans.  It's a part of life and we must accept it.  That is a simplified example but it gets to the point.    I think maybe people get caught up in just feeling good, which isn't a bad thing, I think it's normal but maybe we are raised or socialize to avoid feeling sadness.

"God breaks the heart again and again until it stays open." 

-Haziat Inayat Khan

I'm simply writing this to remind us all that pain is a part of life and we should embrace it.  The fear of pain causes many people to close their hearts to others or to the world.  I guess the fear of pain is in a way a fear of being vulnerable.  Put yourself out there with good intentions and experience what the world has to offer you.   

xx

Invest in people who love you

Time is money, they say.  However, I will argue that time is more valuable than money because it is limited to an unknown amount.  Mysterious.  But seriously, we don't know how much time we have on this earth and we ought to spend our time wisely.  Also, there are emotions involved in time.  This might sound complex or like a third dimension but it is simply that you can feel good or bad, happy or sad when and/or after spending time doing something.  

Spend your time with people who love you.  Genuinely love you.  People who wish the best for you and want to see you smile.  People who think of you constantly and want you to be happy.  People who understand you or try.  Love isn't smothering another person or spending 24/7 with them, it's realizing that people need space and it's loving and respecting another person enough to give them that space.  But being close enough or available for you.  People who truly love you don't guilt trip you into hanging out with them because your love is a mutual one, they understand that you have things going on in your life and they do, too.  They also understand that you will reach out to them when you are able because you enjoy spending time with them.   

It might sound selfish but it's not.  It's self-preservation.  And just like your time, your self is limited and must be nurtured.  

Simple dinner

"It does not cost much...It leaves you filled with peace, and the house filled with one of the world's sweetest smells...probably there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation...that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread."

-M.F.K. Fisher

We are getting some much needed rain and what better thing to do than crank the oven up to 450˚ and bake a loaf of hearty, walnut and thyme-filled bread.  

On my way home from work, I ran into a friend who yelled across the grocery store "Hey Sally - what's for dinner tonight?" She commented that I haven't posted in a while, which is true, I told her the same thing I had told my brother who had demanded pictures of Monday night's dinner, "I'm living in the moment," I responded.  It's cliche, right? It was the best thing I could come up with but I did decide to post tonight in honor of both of them and in honor of my dinner which was fresh baked bread, Bulgarian sheep's cheese, olive oil, crushed garlic, and Chilean wine.  Bon appétit to me and to you, too! 

before: preparing my loaf of bread: thyme and walnuts 

after: but before I smothered the bread in olive oil and garlic

And now some food for thought:

"A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul." 

Think of the times you have been humiliated or life has shown you that you are incapable of something you so thought knew you capable of doing (I can run this marathon without training, I will face my boss who treats me poorly, etc.).  You try and fail.  It hurts your pride.  But if you take just a moment to reflect on it, it's not that you're incapable or a bad person it simply is what it is and your soul grows from that.  We measure success and growth on money, homes you own, the car you drive but how many people are OK with their soul?  Our society has no measure for soul growth.  How many people realistically face challenges in their lives and can accept when they are incapable of completing a task, of asking for help, or simply succumbing to their limitations?  How many people can wake up in the morning and be happy with themselves, knowing they give their all and their best and accepting that that is their life, their ability, their limit?

I urge you to reflect on your actions, to love yourself, and to accept you for who you are.  And...eat what you love and to your health! 

Life is a contact sport

Conversations at bars fall into one of two categories: 1. mindless, obscene banter or 2. deep, philosophical and full of life lessons.  Because I'm me (and if you're reading this, you probably know me) my conversations at bars (and almost all of my conversations in life) fall into the second category.  

The other night I was out with a friend and we were discussing a recent "life event" of mine - a conversation that I had had with yet another person about the way to live life.  Ought one let fear dictate her/his actions?  Where does one draw the line on letting fear stop her/him from making certain decisions?  The conclusion that we came to is that there is no right answer.  My rough-around-the-edges and very wise friend said "life is a contact sport" (which makes more sense to my North American friends - contact sport being football, hockey, wrestling, soccer, it's the classification for a sport in which physical contact is rampant, normal and encouraged).  I really liked this analogy.  Do you want to live life on the sidelines, watching other people feel and get hurt and score (all both metaphorically and literally speaking)?  I certainly don't.  Getting hurt is just a part of living, whether it be heartbreak or a skinned knee.  Do you want to come to the end of your life and assess/evaluate and realize you had just settled?  I'll take it a step further, can you go to bed at night, put your head on that pillow, alone with your thoughts and sleep peacefully knowing you lived that day to the fullest? 

The last words of advice from my wise friend - "drive [life] like a rental car."  Amen, brother.   

Perception

“And those who were seen dancing, were thought to be crazy, by those who could not hear the music.” - Friedrich Nietzsche 


It's really amazing how you perceive other people.  I get this a lot and it annoys me.  Whether it be because one is young, female, male, athletic, loud, quiet, wears high heels, laughs a lot, the list is endless.  You see someone and you subconsciously, or not so subconsciously (which is worse) make an assumption.  You are young so you have no life experience.  You wear high heels therefore you have no brain.  Old people don't know how to have fun.  Etc. Etc.  


I'm sure you've heard it, to assume is to make an ASS out of U and ME (spells ASSUME).  So don't make assumptions.  Well, that's easy to say.  Try not to make assumptions?  Or if you make an assumption, try not to act or open your mouth about it?  Be aware that your assumptions could hurt somebody else?  I end these phrases with question marks because I'm developing this as I write.  I am also thinking to myself, do I need to work on this?  I'm sure I do.  We're human, ergo imperfect.  I guess it's just being aware of it.  Being aware that a snide comment may hurt somebody else.  


It's also knowledge and experience.  I'm sure you have met a person who appeared to be one thing and then you got to talking to them and discovered that they actually were not anything like what you thought about them.  Let me give an example.  A person with big glasses is assumed to be intelligent or to work with computers.  Wait, that actually happened today, I was appalled.  I went to the post office and the person at the front of the line was wearing wide rimmed glasses and he wasn't aware that one of the tellers was available, he probably didn't hear him call "next, please."  So a woman further back in the line yells "Hey, computer boy!"  The guy with the glasses looked at her embarrassed, I don't know this for a fact but maybe he doesn't work with computers?  Everybody was a bit dumbfounded and nobody knew what to do, especially the poor guy with the glasses!   Maybe it's not a good example, but I like it as a story.  


Anyways, all I'm saying is people are way more awesome than we give them credit for if we just go around judging and mis-perceiving people.  You're missing out on a whole lot of cool people if you rule them out for their appearance or age or color or the list goes on and on...


Enjoy life, you know?